a colored spectrum

72 and rising

went to visit Joshua jus now. he is still warded under ICU observations.

he's still weak, have no appetite and aching all over.
he says that fried vegetables tastes like cardboard and MILO with milk taste like Ovaltine.
he's also feeling cold despite 2 layers of blanket and thick socks.
every slight movement makes him feel nauseous.
today's bloodcount is 72. yesterday was 71.
his bloodcount have to reach 150 before he can be discharged.

i wonder how long more it will take him.
it's definite that he will recover, but it's just the matter of time.
i want him to be home for Christmas... that's the best present i can have.

i am glad that whenever he sees me, his pain sublimes...
he pats my head while i rest on his chest. he tells silly jokes about the nurses.
i think it is important to have friends and loved ones beside him. he cheers up seeing people.
he smiles despite the IV drip tube stuck into his arm. good, at least he is optimistic.

he told me that he miss his childhood friend who committed suicide 5mths earlier.
he dreamt that his friend came to visit him, and encouraged him to get well soon.
i think the fever's got into him, he's thinking of alot of 'funny' things...

i told him that once he gets well and fully recovered, i will bring him out to eat all the good food he miss. and i'll allow him to enjoy his Coke. we should also go on a short trip together... anywhere will do. as long as i am travelling with him.

i really miss him. i miss Joshua alot.
i miss his silly jokes and childish antics.
i miss him calling me "kitty" and popping up up my house ever so often.
i miss walking hand in hand with him to 85 market for dinner.
i miss watching tv with him in bed, curling up in his arms.
i miss seeing him tie his shoelaces.
i miss him calling my mobile every now and then to disturb my inner peace.
i miss going to TM to pay bills with him.

these are the daily things that we no longer do together ever since he was ill last Sat.

i miss his presence and the daily stuff we do together.
he's already this integrated part of my life...
to do without him... it feels weird! something is missing...
i even miss picking a tiff with him over trivial matters!

all in all, i can only say that, despite all the bitching i do about him... harping about other guys in my blog... being unhappy with him at times... pissed with his lack of ambition and drive... i do love him very much. he is the one who can cheer me up and perk up my day... he is also the one who can upset me with the things he do. why? coz i care alot about him and i only want the best for him.

one word of reminder:

when someone is around, cherish them. i regret alwiz picking tiffs with Joshua... blaming him for everything bad that happens, throwing temper at him for the slightest pissed-about matter when it's not his fault that it happened... alwiz took him for granted.

now that he's hospitalized... i realize how much i abused him and how much i needed him.
absence really makes the heart fonder, but i'll rather he not left my side.
this Dengue episode made me think hard about our relationship and where it's heading.
Joshua is very important to me...

thus, don't wait till it's too late to let someone know that you love them.
before you know it, they might be gone...

posted by Veen @ 01:50